We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
