Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We have so much sex to catch up on
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
