how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
