so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
