she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
