one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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