We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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