i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need a beard to bite.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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