My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
