So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
