Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
