she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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