I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im holly from the hills drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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