Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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