I look better un-naked...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
