i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
