New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
