So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
