we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
