went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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