he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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