remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
