Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
