boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
