so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
being pregnant is like rehab
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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