I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
