that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
