Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
