WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
