I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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