like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
