Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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