bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
