I want to have your abortion
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
