So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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