I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
