Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
