i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
