I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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