I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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