Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
