i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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