what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
