Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
