you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
