Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
