Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
