new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
