What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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