He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
