Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
