i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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